31 August 2009

Prayer of a True Sinner

I am nothing more, nothing less, than a sinner. Even in its mildest form. I would consider myself unworthy of anything except the wrath of God. I know that many of you are shaking your heads right now, wondering what I could have done. But trust me, I have sinned. Everyone has sinned. Even though I feel that I am a completely undeserving human being, a simple detestable rodent in the eye of God, He sees me as his child. He sees me as the servant to him that I am. Even with sin in my life, he knows that I love him. That is why I LOVE God as my father. He is the best one you can find. This blog isn't prompted by any one thing except me. Most people ask that I write some things, or many things in this blog I just stumble upon the realization of, but this is one - this one is truly a prayer. A prayer that I can live in the image of God - everyday. I know He is with me. I know that He is beside me. I will no longer live with God, I will live for Him. I will no longer be a stray cat that God looks after, but a loyal hound dog frantically searching for everyone who needs him.

In my life I have treated myself with the lowest form of sin. I have sinned, knowing that I can control the particular impulse of the sin. I have learned, that unless I actually teem the radiance of God, I will never treat myself like a Godly man. In fact, I wouldn't consider myself a man until now. A man as a human, but still a toddler in my faith. Manhood is brought about by a specific event. Manhood is brought about by the acting like one. Manliness doesn't come from any one thing except your ability to control yourself. Sin is regular. But I CAN control it. It's up to me. In my faith I have now learned to walk, I have now grown enough to know what hurts, I have grown enough to have conditioned myself not to do things. For, before this, the conditioning should have been done already. But now, I realize that it wasn't. I conditioned myself to ask for forgiveness instead of treating my body like a temple of God. I have learned that what I have done is damaging to me and those in my life. I can resist, I just have to try.

This prayer is not just for me, but for everyone. For every sinner who knows the deserve nothing more than the wrath of God. I know that I don't deserve the love and forgiveness of God, but that is why I cry when I think of his mercy. I know that deep down, I couldn't forgive myself, but God - God can forgive any circumstance. I know that the Declaration of Independence I made before now was not truly heart felt. It felt like it came from the heart, but it came from my mind. I know now that what I must do is live in His image - ALL THE TIME! For God is Good all the time, why should I expect less from myself? Why would I allow myself to sin thinking that I am just human? Don't misunderstand me, I know that sin will happen. But I CAN do everything in my power to stop from ruining my relationship with my Father.

The wrath of God is dreadfully revolting. And truthfully I know that I deserve that. I deserve to be treated the way he would treat any other common rodent. But I know that God will treat me with mercy and kindness. I know that when I ask God to forgive he does. His almighty power doesn't stop at wrath - it continues into love. His love is greater than any other kind of love given. For He loves everyone. Sinners, Saints, Angels, and Humans. He treats them with the same respect he treats his only Son. I fall to my knees in adoration for His greatness. I raise my hands in respect for his power. I send my heart to Him with love for his compassion.

No one Christian will know the point in their life when they learn that they TRULY are living for God. I know now that I have been building up to this in my servitude. For my love runs deep, but His love runs so much more deep than any feeble river I can make. But I pray to resolve my life to this: prayer, love, adoration, fear, and respect for my God - my Father. I hold each person accountable for everything I do, as well as everything the people around you do. I know you cannot control my actions, or theirs. But you can show them the Love that God shows to you. You can treat them with the forgiveness God grants to you. You can show that they mean as much to you as your own family. I pray that I can take control of the sin in my life, instead of letting it control me. I resolve that I can treat others with the same respect and kindness shown to me by my Father. I know that I can have love for myself, because of the Love God shows me. I understand that I can do all I can to worship Him. To treat Him with respect. I know that through my persistent perseverance that I can change my life - and the world around me. This is my life. This is my God. This is my prayer.

25 August 2009

Live FOR God, Not WITH Him!

Everyone knows the poem of 'Footprints.' At least all Christians do. We realize God lives with us. He helps us through hard times. Yet, the sad truth is that we end up living with him. This is where many people may start to be confused. You see living with God is like having him as a roommate; you meet up, hang out, talk, share the relationship you have with others. But at the end of the day you each go to your separate bedrooms. God leaves his door open, while you shut and lock yours. Why? Are you afraid God will see what you're doing in there? Afraid the sin you are performing will make him move out? As humans, both of those answers are Yes.

It's not easy living for God. In fact, very few people in the history of the world devote every ounce of energy to him. Very few humans spend their lives pleasing him. Even I must admit that Sin has controlled my life more than once. Even as I'm typing this I realize that I, too, have often locked my door so that I think that God can't see. God asks us for our lives, wholly. My major is theatre in college. And I don't plan to change that. But I will do everything I can to make sure that my talents are used to enrich Him. Because that is what He asks.

I can say, from experience, that it will NOT be easy. It's not supposed to be. We were cursed with the free will to think and make decisions on our own. We were not blessed with simple actions and asked to perform them over and over and over again. No, instead we were given minds. We have the power to decide where we want to go. Sadly, when we live with God we don't always take the same road he walks. When we are on the highway of life we take many exits toward sin. We walk along next to God, talk with him, hug him when we need comforting, clutch him when we need help; yet, we keep a small thing of sin in our pocket. We keep it there so that we can pull it out at anytime and play with it. When we turn back around, God is still there. Because He is trusting. He is merciful.

Think of it this way. A kid goes to a carnival. He sees the clown with the balloons. He begs and screams until his parents finally pay for him to have that shiny red one he has had his eye on. All day long we walks around with the balloon. You see, we are the child, the clown is Satan enticing us with Sin, and the balloon is, of course, the actual Sin. We walk around with the balloon connected to our wrist with string. Even though God is there, and we feel the sin is put away, we can still pull on that string until it comes back and we can have fun with it. What we must do is cut the string. Not just leave up in the air tied to our wrist. And we can't even pop the balloon, because, the truth is, we can still repair it and blow it back up and create the sin all over again. We have to cut the string. Yet, we must leave on that sliver that is still attached to our arm as a reminder. A reminder of the pain that we cause God every time we bring that balloon back down; or every time we take the sin from our pocket.

You can take as many exits down the highway of life as you want. What really matters is what direction God will tell you go when it dead ends. That's why we must not stay beside God on the highway and 'meet back up with him.' We must stay behind him; perpetually following him, and living for him. Because at the end, I want to go the direction he's going, not the other way.

19 August 2009

Time to Grow Up

I moved Monday. Into my new town. Into my new apartment. Into my new school. Into my new life. I realize that what I have done is something new for my family. I have risen out of the ashes of mediocrity and gone to college. I have strengthened my faith, my hope, and my life with God. I have truly learned (in the short time I've been here) that isolation doesn't bring closer to yourself - it brings you closer to the one's you missed.

I went to sleep on Monday night. On Tuesday, for the first time, I opened my eyes for the first full day of this journey. I was born into my world, without dying out of the old one (at least I hope not). Yet, even as I laid in bed looking at my new ceiling, in my new bed, I realized the newness of this life isn't matched with the struggles and triumphs of the old life. I have grown into something more than I could ever have expected to be. I have conquered that which has plagued my family. I am going to college. I am going to succeed. Now, don't misunderstand me. I do not say that I am not proud of my parents, for they gave me more than I could ever thank them for. Nor am I saying that they did not succeed. What I mean is I reached a milestone which, up until this point, has not been conquered by any person in my family. I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be because of how ecstatic I feel being here.

As I stood out on my balcony, outside my apartment, I understood that everything in my life has, so far, been building up to this one magical moment. This time when I can grow, and live on my own. I understand now, that what God wants in my life is just this. He wants me to succeed. In every venture. I guess that promise has never sank in until now. This promise of fulfillment. This hope for the future. I know that I can do it, because God is with me. God is guiding me. Satan is trying to pull me down. But my success is not measured in how many times I fail, but how many times I overcome the failure. It's not measured in how many dreams I make, but in how many dreams come true. My success is not dependent on any one thing, except my desire to get where I want to go.

I travel through this world with nothing more than hope and faith - but I realize now, that is all I need. For God is guiding me. I know, as I stare out above these trees, that God makes Kings from the smallest peasants. For a Kingdom is nothing more than the intentional success of one lonely man, who wants to make a difference. My kingdom will be for God. My desire will be for God. My new life, in my new school, in my new apartment, in my new town, will be for God. I have been resurrected into a new aspiration to please God - through what I learn at school, and life.

They say every ending is a new beginning. But what if every beginning is a new ending? What if we go along one journey until something new happens? You don't quit one job until you start working at another. Then why would you end one journey before another begins? I know this is a beginning of my new life. This is also the end of my old life. My life where I desired earthly things. Now, I will live for God. In everything I do. It pleases me to please him.

This is my Declaration of Christianity. This is my Declaration of Independence. This is my new life. I will live, grow, and walk with the Lord. Live for him.

As I go to bed each night, I will wake with the knowledge that whatever God has planned for me, I will succeed.

My new life is Independence. My new life is Prospect. My new life is Success.